Dear Kulongoski, 8-28-07

As now being “gay” is ‘alright’ I want to know how to explain some things to our children.   We are having some trouble with definitions in our school and because you seem to be an authority on the subject thought perhaps you could help us out.  Maybe you would want to incorporate it into a state wide school curriculum.

When you tell a child you should wash their hands after they use the bathroom and they answer ‘why, when the Governor said it is ok to suck another guys cock.’
Felching -
This is a verb I understand, something about sticking things up your partners rectum and that could be anything from light bulbs to rodents.  How do I explain that is “OK” there governor, wash your hands after using the bathroom because it is unclean but it is “OK” to run gerbils up your friends butt?
Here is another one from the new “OK” dictionary but I’m having trouble with it too.  Isn’t someone who practices pederast, a pedophile?  Don’t we have laws against that?  I guess you are going to get them vacated now that it is “OK” ?
vegitarian -
is it really spelled like that?  I understand that is someone who doesn’t fellate or doesn’t ‘suck’ or ‘blow’.   Do I have that right Ted?  Are you a vegitarian?

Actually Ted there is a long list of words like this many of which I have never heard of, are in no dictionary and often cannot be found in the internet and if they are it is an obscure site.  So tell me Ted, are any of these words going to be on the school curriculum this year and are they going to start appearing in the spelling bee?  So I have been asked, if the word is OK than the action must be OK?   Let me know Ted, I’ll be anxious to find out just where you stand on this.

Find your governor, get this sorted out please.